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Monday, May 05, 2008
tried my best already. whatever happens, happens. will probably need divine intervention to save me. emailed the lecturer about my situation. he's really nice. talked to me after the exam today, and advised me to file for special considerations to the dean's office. they might be able to do some moderations to my grade or sth, but then again, my CA wasnt very good. i really dont want to repeat the module next sem. really hope they can help me. sigh. if not all the efforts i put in last sem to pull up my CAP will be gone to waste. :( am still very very upset and angry that no one told me that the prognosis wasnt good the day before. instead of hiding the truth from me just because of exams. cos it's such impt stuff! had i known, i would have gone down to see you after my physical chem paper, instead of going home to rest for my spectro paper the next day. the weird thing is, i didnt have any bad premonition before that. why why why.... felt very sad when i found out that probably about 10 mins before the start of my paper, the doctor was trying their best to resuscitate you. and that when you were told that one of us was rushing down to see you, your heartbeat actually went up. but alas, you couldnt hold on long enough to see us. if only you had just waited for me for another few more hours. i would have been able to see you for the last time. :'( i was told that tears can be felt as hands were capped over your face after you passed on. i know you cant bear to leave us, and we hate to see you go too. am really sorry that i didnt talk to you or see you much during your final two weeks. i can never forgive myself for this, and would have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. it felt so surreal to see you lying in the coffin. i hope that you will be able to hear whatever i have said to you. felt really sad when the coffin was pushed into the crematorium. and all that was left of you was a tray of bones and ashes. gone forever. i hope you will like the new home that we have chosen for you, and that you are happy wherever you are now. i will come and visit you whenever i have the time. i miss you a lot right now, and really hope we will meet again one day at the other world. suddently felt so lonely and aimless now. no longer busy with wake and exams. am not sure what to do next. sigh. |